Haunted
by Ellie082
Summary: True love, forever lost.   This is how Bella deals with Edward's loss.
1. Chapter 1

**Haunted.**

**Preface**

I still remember the first day I saw him. Edward. My life, my reason. My everything. A cloudy February morning, since that day, my world turned upside down. I don't see things the same way anymore. Our first party, our first movie, all of that, in less than seven days. Is it such amazing connection even possible?

Of course I remember all of our other parties, yes. More cinema, horror movies: Good excuse. English projects, in groups. Its freaking destiny, still, nobody believes me.

Our first kiss, it was magical, everything inside me changed since then, if feel differently, I love better. I still remember the day we started dating, how could I forget? A warm, starry August night, perfect, it was absolutely flawless. Since that night, my world was complete; my missing puzzle piece was finally with me, together, reunited, as it's supposed to be.

Those were the best two-almost-three months of my existence.

I still can't believe he actually left me.

It's been five months since that awful October night. Since that night, when he left me 'for my own good' because 'he couldn't bear to see me suffer anymore' and because 'he loved me enough to do that'. Seriously? Is it always so short-lived? Love can't be like this. Because if it was, why do people talks such cheesiness about it? To me, love isn't more that to sacrifice yourself, die for the person you love.

I pretend to be all right. My parents think now I'm OK, my friends seem to believe so. I can't let them see that I'm the same zombie, the same empty shell that was created that night. I can't. So instead of making them worry even more, I leave my pain just for myself.

So now I'm supposed to have a normal life? Without vampires? Then cool. I know he's not coming back, so let's do what they fear the most… Yes, I do. I cut myself. I like to feel my pain physically, to see if it goes away from my brain, my soul, my heart. I like to see blood oozing from my arms, my hips, my wrists. You may think I'm crazy. I used to say so about cutters, now I understand. There's no greater feeling in the world than to see that you're, for the first time, in control of something. That it's up to you, and only to you.

Anyway, it's been five months exact. Today, five months ago, he left me. Today, five months ago, my world ended. Today, five months ago, my reason for living told me he didn't love me anymore. That, in fact, he never loved me.

But hey, let's pretend everything's cool, right?

As long as they don't see the reminders beneath my clothes.

**A/N: This is a short one, 2 or 3 chapters max. I really had to write this one down. You'll see why, later :D**

**BTW, I promise to update Forever & Always ASAP :$**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, duh!**


	2. Chapter 2: Believe Your Eyes

**Disclaimer: Do not own (:**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long! Okay, ok with the story**

**Chapter 1: Believe Your Eyes.**

It was a normal Friday at school, same old people, same boring classes, same lame teachers, same disgusting food, and same gaping hole inside of my chest.

But something was different today. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

When I got to English, my first class of the day I just couldn't sit straight. I usually never pay attention to English, so I always find something to do, but that day I couldn't, it just felt… different. Then, Spanish came, as mind numbing as always, so I tried to pay as much attention as I could, not exactly succeeding. After that, the last English class of the day made me even more anxious than the one before, because it felt like something was closer by the minute.

When the bell of the first break rang, I rushed out of Social Studies, seriously, I was about to pass out from boredom, and somehow… anxiety. I made my way downstairs, and as soon as I hit the last one, I felt someone's eyes on me, but I couldn't let myself think, hope for them to be the pair I was dying to see.

I slowly turned around, to see a pair of green, emerald pools bored into my brown ones, with an intensity I don't remember having seen there before. So I unwillingly tore my eyes from those ones and run the other way. When I got to Jessica and Angela, I was hyperventilating; they looked at me and said, "Dude, are you okay? You're green!" Why did you have to use _that_ color of all others? "What happened, you look like if someone had punched you in the gut!" Actually, yes, I did feel like that, thank you very much. I didn't answer, though, because now I was ready to actually pass out. The break went by and, before than I had expected, the bell rang and everybody started heading to their own classes. So, I did as everybody else.

I was about to get into Social Studies (again), when I felt a cool, lean hand firm on my elbow. I closed my eyes and shivered.

"Bella" His dripping-honey voice called my name over the noisy crowd that was obviously aware of the tension in the air. My eyes just stung, so I turned my back around and tried to break free from his grasp, but he just squeezed tighter. "Bella, please, listen to me" His emeralds were pleading, and I was ready to give him my life again, the whole wide world, if he just asked again- no. I couldn't. I wouldn't. So I ran faster, and tried not to think about the part of my soul I was trying to ignore, to tear off my body and my soul and ran even faster, not looking where I was going, because my eyes were too blurry at the moment. When I couldn't run anymore, I leaned against a wall and sobbed, just because this was just too much. It was like pouring lemon to the wounds than would never, ever go away. I slumped against the floor, trying to measure my volume only for me to hear, I didn't want him to think that I was making a show, as he always told our friends.

"Bella, please. Can I talk to you for a minute?" I closed my eyes, not trusting my voice, and said nothing. I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn't dare open them and see it for myself. "Okay, Bella, listen. There's no excuse for everything I've done to hurt you, but you cannot imagine how sorry I am." Stop, stop, _stop_! "And, you know I can't stand to see you cry, I just _hate_ it! I really want- need to talk to you. So please, if you feel like it, meet me at lunch on the bleachers, okay? Please. Think about it." He brushed my cheek with his hand, kissed my cheek, and then I heard his footsteps fading away.

Social Studies, again. Just g-r-e-a-t, I mean, not that I would mind some spare time to think about the pros and cons of going or not going to the bleachers at lunch. Great, perfect. I try to read one of my many books, but not even that way the damn thought would go away. Groan.  
Math. Now this _is_ perfect, because I do not understand a single thing, so I have to force myself to pay attention and pray that I might understand a single function on the board. And it's double hour, so even more perfect!

Lunch.

As the bell rings, I still haven't decided what to do.

I'm so going.

Hell no.

"Hey, Bells" I turned around, ready to glare at the person who interrupted my train of thought.

"Jasper!" Ed- Alice's boyfriend was right in front of me, a huge smile on his face. "How are you?" I said, shocked, as I raced for the door, and he walked with me.

"I'm good, how are _you_?" At my non-response, he just said, "Look, Bella, I know that he talked to you, and asked you if you could talk to him. Please do, Bella. I have never seen anyone cry the way he did last night, and… Well you know, just think about it on your way to the bleachers!" He kissed my forehead, "See you around!" He said, getting inside the first classroom he saw.

I clutched my sides, gasping for air. And hating myself for what I was about to do.


	3. Chapter 3: Venting

**A/N: Okay, I'm planning on finishing this up soon, so I can focus on F&A, I hadn't updated in more than two months! :( Anyways, I hope you like this (:**

**Chapter 2: Venting.**

Breathe. Or at least try to. Just go to the bleachers, force your legs to do it, and then go with the flow. Come on Bella, you can do it, don't be such a baby.

_I can't._

Yes you can, and please focus. You're going nuts; you're talking to yourself now.

Sigh.

My legs were jelly, by the time I reached the main gate. I went to my truck, left my bag, and headed for the bleachers on the football field. I sat, -because I truly was about to pass out from anxiety and fear, - and waited. I was scared, terrified. I didn't know what was so important that he needed to tell me, or what made him realize what he had done, so he felt the urge to apologize.

Anyways, I waited, and waited… and waited, until the clock said I had been sitting there like an idiot for almost half an hour. I got to the conclusion that it was more time than he deserved, and got up, fighting the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes, squared my shoulders, turned around, around, almost running to my truck, and when I got there, I reached the handle, and yanked it so hard it hit the car next to mine's door, and it was just arriving to the parking lot.

"Damnit" I closed my eyes. I was closer to tears that a minute ago. I was going to lose it at any moment now. Then I opened my eyes, took a deep breath, and braced myself to face the enraged driver whose… Silver Volvo I had hit.

That was it.

The first sob that came out of my mouth was so dramatic, that I mentally slapped myself for showing weakness in front of him. Ugh. I jumped into the driver's seat and slammed the door of my truck in time to see him reach the handlebar and yank it open again.

"Bella, wait," he begged.

"You're late. You always are. You had your chance, and missed it. Now leave me alone." I was trying to be strong, in spite of the river flooding from my eyes.

"Bella, please, there's a reason for that. Let me explain"

"I don't want to hear it. I'm sick of your lies!" I was almost yelling now.

"Please, Bella! Let me explain, let me take this risk. I have nothing left to lose. But I need to find out, to know what you feel. Please"

"Why?" That was all I could say.

"Because… I need you. I need you so I can breathe, so I can live. I need you to know everything, to know the truth. Please," He closed his eyes, and his expression was so agonizing it ripped a hole wide open in my chest, like those poisons that burn you inside, like cyanide. I sobbed harder, and harder, until he got on the passenger's seat and wrapped me in his arms, and- even though I was feeling the worst pain of my life- I was home.

"Please, let's go to my car," He said and when I didn't answer, he lifted me in his arms and carried me to his passenger's seat, closed the door, and got in the driver's.

"Bella, look at me" He took held my cheeks with both his hands, looked me square in the eye and said: "Trying to stay away from you was the _worst_ mistake of my life. I have to confess I was scared. I put all the blame on you, and I hurt you the worst way possible. You have suffered because of me more than you deserve to suffer in your entire life and fore life and afterlife and, and… I _hate_ myself for what I did and I don't want to be that blind man anymore, the one that has pure and utter happiness right in front of his nose, and doesn't take it because he's fucking full of shit and likes to hurt the thing he loves the most. Look, I know I don't deserve you, but I'm selfish enough to admit that I _wan_t you. I love you with my heart, soul and life… That's all I had to say. So please, Bella, _forgive_ me."

"I c-can't."

"W-why?" He cried.

Now it was _my_ turn to be the bitch. Even if it broke me inside, I was going to test him. I was going to let him have a sneak-peek of everything I'd been through, because of him.

"Now, do _not_ dare cry." I glared at him and took a deep breath "Why are you suffering? What for? Weren't you the one who broke up with me? Who told me we were over because you were 'not good enough for me', that it was 'for my own good', and because it was 'the best thing for us to do' now that 'we didn't understood each other anymore'? What was the point of that, if now you say it was all wrong? Do you like to see people suffer? Because if you do, I'm sure you had a hell of a lot of fun. And I'm not talking just for me, I'm talking to all those other poor girls who you knew had a crush on you, and whose heart you loved to play with and destroy. That is not fair, you know? It _hurts_ and you don't have the faintest idea of how much. You don't know what I've been through the last eight months. On vacation, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, and I didn't speak. To anyone. My parents were so worried, that they decided to take me to a bunch of shrinks because they thought I was going nuts, and I _was_, indeed. What you did, hurt me, my family and my friends. So please _you_ try to understand that. And try to live in my shoes through all of that again. And let's see if you can bear it."

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**Tons of drama coming soon :)**

**I'm so damn busy right now, I have two whole weeks full of final exams, and I'll be done next Friday, so be patient, I'll promise this will get a looooot better :D And chapters will be longer and cool stuff like that (:**

**Let me know what you think about this! And don't forget to check out my other 2 stories, I'd love you forever!**

**XO, Ellie.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own!**


	4. Chapter 4: Back To December

**Disclaimer: Do not own**

**A/N: Hello :D MTV movie awards tonight! I'm so excited :D **

**So, I finally updated, and I hope you like. Play "Back to December" by Taylor Swift while you read this :'')**

**So, this may be 1 or 2 more chapters :) **

**On with the story!**

**Chapter Three: Back To December**

"…_And let's see if you can bear it."_

"Bella, I'm _sorry_. As I told you before, there is no excuse for what I did…"

"Yes, and that's why I can't forgive you. I can't risk it; I don't want to be lifeless when you leave me again. I'm trying to recover; it took me almost three months to start talking and eating like a normal person does, and it took me almost five to start having a bit of interest for trivial things like which day it was. Do you think that is good, sane? Or, better yet, as you said 'for my own good'? Huh?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered: "Bella, you're _killing_ me right now, please…" I put my hands on my face and interrupted him:

"No, _you_ are killing _me_, and you have been killing me these past eight months we've been apart. I am the one who, all this time, has had to keep smiling, waving and pretending everything's alright, when it couldn't be more fucked up. So yeah, _allow me_ to kill _you_" ¬¬

The sob that came out of his mouth made me whimper in pain. I _wanted_ to be with him, more than anything in this world. But I needed him to know everything first. I studied his face. His perfect features were scrunched up in pain, and, for a second I despised myself for hurting him. Then I remembered everything he had done to me, and we were even. But then I also remembered the time when we _were_ happy, and I was sure he was remembering that time, too. Watching my vampire boyfriend cry, was one of the images that were burned in my head, and never went away.

He was crying, even if he couldn't shed tears as his mother Esme could. Yes, they were vampires, but each one had a human feature or ability. His dad, Carlisle, smelled blood when he wanted to. It was useful when he was hunting, but was even more useful due to the fact that he was a doctor and he was immune to human blood if he wanted too; his brother, Emmett, actually _ate_ human food, and he wasn't disgusted by it. The only thing was that his venom dissolved it too, but I enjoyed going out for dinner with him: he never, ever got full and he ordered all the dishes available in any restaurant we went.

His wife, Rosalie, was a six-foot blonde, and her nails grew, as well as her hair grew too, beautiful as no one could imagine. She had the craziest and coolest haircuts ever, and they all looked great in her. I loved playing hairdresser with her. Alice, on the other hand, needed to sleep. Two or three hours, maximum. I concluded it's because she was the most hyper vampire that had ever existed on earth, no shit. We all believed that's why she needed to rest for a few hours.

Her husband, Jasper, had headaches. He believed it was because of the fact that he could feel other people's emotions; sometimes it overwhelmed him, so his head hurt. That wasn't much of a feature, it was more of an annoyance but oh well. Finally, we have _him_. The love of my life had the most beautiful feature I had ever seen in the world. His eyes were the same as when he was human. Those green emerald pools where one of the many things that enamored me. I couldn't stand to look at them for long, if I wanted to keep thinking-or breathing. But those two feline orbs were the death of me. And that's why it hurt so much to, first of all, be forced to stay away from him since the day he broke up with me, and second, to see him in pain because he thought I didn't want to forgive him, many months after.

So, there we were, in his silver Volvo; him, crying tearlessly, begging me to go back to him; and me, crying tearfully, _wanting_ to go back to him, but not allowing myself to do so. We didn't speak for a long time, and eventually I curled up in a ball, stared at the sky and watched the sunset, forcing myself not to look at him and not to talk unless he did first. If he really wanted to be with me, things had to change for my own sake. And health. And sanity, too.

"Bella, please, tell me what I need to do, anything, so you can trust me again," He begged.

"Look, you have to know that I do love you still, and that" He opened his eyes and his green pools bore on my own eyes. "I really, truly want to forgive you but…" I hesitated "But… I need you to be real this time. You say you know what I've been through, but you don't. What I don't understand is why, if now you feel _that_ sorry, why didn't you think of this before?"

"I don't know, love, but I promise that won't happen this time or ever again. Please, give me another chance and I swear I will love you right, now and forever" He reached for my hand and oh, I closed my eyes and melted at his touch. Did I mention that he also was warmer than his family? Not as warm as a human, but not as frozen as a vampire. "Please, Bella? Are you giving me a second opportunity?"

"You need to prove it all this time, it won't be easy, I swear. But please understand, it's for my sake. I need to be sure that I can believe in you again."

"You will. So, is that a yes?" He smiled and damn, that smile still had the same effect on me.

I sighed "Yeah, I guess it is"

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